The more I sing of my heart, the more I realize how lonely I am and how much I love loneliness. Sitting near the window with my ears tuned into some soothing country music, seeing whatever I can perceive and beyond. There is quietude in the environment and my heart sits at rest. For once, there is nothing to worry about. For once, I can be what I actually am. This peace, this silence, this weirdness is nowhere to be found. But how far can we sustain such isolation. How can we be happy without sharing its reasons with the ones that we love?
In this process of introspection, I am confronted with a truth. The truth of being invisible. Wonderful thing it is, invisibility. How conspicuously you can slowly become invisible to people around you and find that feeling of being infinite. The people know you, they think you are there. But you aren’t. You are a shadow. You walk among them, unnoticed. You glance at their faces and observe what they are doing. But you don’t react. You only see, feel and realize. Loneliness is then not a state of physical isolation. It is liberating oneself from the complexities of unwanted things, weeding out the traps that our mind had set for us. Being where and with whom you want to be, whenever you want. It’s all in our mind but nothing is truer than this- the silhouette of our heart in its purest form.
I am perplexed at this moment. My mind has traveled long and deep into this. Even after so much thought and realization, I shall go back to being the person I was a thought ago. Why are we unable to trickle down the truth to our souls or do we fail to become conscious of the transformation? We do change over the years in peculiar ways. In the hazy summer morning of our life, we longed to be found. To learn new ways, to imitate people. To be what they are. Discovering where our heart truly lies and losing ourselves in the process. As the autumn approaches, we powerlessly try to find our personal space. We long for some alone time to mend our troubled souls. To think how we want to envisage this life. We don’t need people and neither do we need to imitate their ways. We need time and that too lots of it. And this is where the viciousness of life comes to haunt us.
In all these shattered pieces of my thoughts, my mind is bound with the reality of time. Loneliness is a happy escape then. To piece out time when there is none. It is an escape into the untouched dimensions, of being invisible among the crowd, to finally break the periphery of our restless soul and unshackling the mind from the nuisances of our heart. This is what loneliness is. This is what loneliness does. And it isn’t a bad thing after all.